Fine. Let them.
There is no such thing as bad press, Eddie.
Man firom New York even said he's putting me on the firont page.
First celebrity ever to check into rehab. [Coughs]
When I get out of here...
I will be healthy...
strong...
primed for my comeback... [Coughs Loudly]
[Coughing Continues]
[Footsteps]
Hello again.
- Hi. - You look beat.
No, l-I'm fine. How's your father?
Better. Thank you for asking. And your friend?
[Sighs] Not good.
Well, I made him some booties to cheer him up.
They're black, to match his cape.
Say, have you always lived in Los Angeles?
No, I'm from back east. Poughkeepsie.
You know... all-American small town; everybody knows everybody;
my dad worked for the post office; I was a Boy Scout.
- Did you find it boring? - No, not at all.
I had my comic books and pulp magazines.
- Used to listen to radio dramas constantly. - I love those shows.
- The Shadow, Inner Sanctum. - Yes.
- And the Mercury Theater with Orson Welles. - Mmm.
Boy, you know, every Saturday afternoon me and my dad...
marched down the street in our uniform to the little movie theatre.
[Gasps] Oh, the spook house!
[Girl Screaming]
[Ghost Moaning]
- [Hisses] - Aah!
- [Knocking] - Aaaarrr!
You're not gonna believe the first picture I ever saw.
It was your friend's... Dracula.
- That's incredible; that's the first picture I ever saw. - That is incredible.
- You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week. - I had to for a month.
But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that one.
A few years ago I actually saw him do Dracula live.
It was much scarier in person.
- [High-pitched Scream, Tape Winds Down] - [Ed] Oh. We're stuck.
Kathy...
I'm about to tell you something that I never told any girl on a first date.
But I think it's important that you know...
I like to wear women's clothes.
- Huh? - I like to wear women's clothes.
Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps.
It's just something I do.
Yes, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I really like you...
and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
Does this mean... you don't like sex with girls?
No, I love sex with girls.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
- [Electricity Buzzes] - [Screaming Continues]
You see, we thought that Mr Lugosi was insured through his union.
- Isn't he? - No, they say his eligibility ran out years ago.
Look, Doctor...
he doesn't have any money.
But I'll give you everything I've got; a few hundred dollars.
That won't even begin to cover it. He's gonna have to leave.
Bela? Bela, wake up.
I've got some great news. The doctor says you're all better;, you can go home now.
Really?
I don't feel so great.
No? Well, you look just peachy.
And, uh, the tests came back fiine.
Come on, let's get up.
Here we go.
Atta boy. Good.
Eddie...
I want to make another picture.
When are we going to make another picture?
Oh... soon, Bela. Very soon.
This is so exciting. [Chuckles]
Another production.
Isn't it?
So, Eddie, shouldn't we have a sound crew?
Uh, no, no, because this is just second unit stuff.
We're gonna do the main footage later. All right?
So, what's this scene about?
Um...
You're a very important and respected man.
And you're leaving your house; you're in a hurry.
You're on your way to a big social brouhaha. Okay?
Eddie. What if I'm not in so big a hurry?
What if I take a moment to slow down;
to savour the beauty of life;
to, to smell a budding flower?
That's great. That is great.
Let's do a take. Okay?
- [Men Arguing] - Ed, I'm really busy.
- What do you want now? - I was calling to see if you'd like to attend...
the world premiere of my new movie, Bride Ofi The Monster.
- Didn't you just make one called Bride Ofi The Atom? - Yes, it's the same film.
But the distributor wanted a punchier title.
Come on, it's gonna be a big event; Bela, Tor and Cris are coming. You'll have fun!
[Tor] Uhh! I can't see.
These contact lenses are hurting.
My eyes are killin' me.
Don't worry. We're almost there.
[Nervous Chuckle]
Hi.
Right in there. Thank God you're here. They're tearing up the place.
Come on, come on.
Come on, this way.
- [Groans] - Come on!
Come on!
- I've never been to a movie premiere before! - [Crowd Shouting, Faint]
[Booing, Shouting, Whistling]
Well, go knock 'em dead.
[Shouting, Whistling Continue]
- Oooh! - [Slight Echo, Feedback]
At the stroke of midnight...
the witching hour...
the ghouls arise...
- [Tor Growling] - firom the dead!
[Microphone Feedback]
[Growls]
- Hey, Vampira, how 'bout a little love! - Fuck off!
- One of them stole my wallet! - [Growling Continues]
- I can't see! - Get off me! Let's go!
- I gotta save 'em! - [Vampira Grunting]
[Ed] Get your heads down! Come on, let's go! We're getting the heck outta here!
- [Cheering, Shouting Intensify] - Can't see!
[Tor] I can't see any more!
[Rattling]
Hey, come on! Let's split!
- Taxi! - [Tyres Screech]
- Stop! - [Criswell] Get in! Come on! Go on, get in!
Now, that was a premiere.
Eddie...
- last night was quite a romp. - [Laughs]
- Did you see that kid grab Vampira's boobies? - [Chuckles]
I envied him. Hell, I envied you too.
A girlfriend who would jump in front of a car like that.
Yes, she is quite something.
None of my wives would have.
[Chuckles]
Eddie, I want to thank you.
These last few days have been...
a good time.
You know, I just...
- I just wish you coulda seen the movie. - Ahh.
No problem.
I know it by heart.
Home.
I have no home.
Hunted.
Despised.
Living like an animal.
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world...
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect my own race of people...
a race of atomic supermen...
that will conquer the world!
[Applause]
Uh, Mr Lugosi, could I have your autograph, please?
- Certainly. - Why, that was... That was incredible.
- I mean, you're just as great as you ever were. - Better.
I am 7 4, but I don't know it.
When the brain is young...
the spirit is still... vigorous...
like... like a young man.
[Chuckles]
"And left the planet Mars...
never to return again."
- [Giggles] - The end.
- Mmm. - [Telephone Rings]
Wood Productions.
Hey, who's crazy idea was it to bury him in the cape?
I heard it was in the will; it was how he wanted to be remembered.
[Scoffs]
Could you run it again?
Mr Wood.
- Huh? - Uh, Mr Wood, this is Mr Reynolds, your landlord.
Could you please open up?
One minute.
- Yes? - Uh, Mr Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent cheque.
I'm terribly sorry.
My-My stockbroker must've transferred the wrong account.
- Come on in. I'll write you another cheque. - [Dogs Whining, Yipping]
Ahh. I see you're in the picture business.
-Yes. -I'm interested in the picture business.
My associates and l, we wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films...
about the apostles.
But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.
Well, raising money's tough.
No, our church has enough money for one film.
We just don't have enough for all twelve.
Well, you know what you do?
You produce a film in a commercially-proven genre...
and then after it's a hit, you take the profits from that and make the 1 2 apostles movies.
- Would that work? - Absolutely.
Let me show you something.
You see this script?
Grave Robbers From Outer Space.
Money in the bank.
Grave robbers from what?
From outer space. It's science fiction. Very big with the kids.
If you make this picture, you'll have enough money to finance a hundred religious films...
and pay my back rent with the profits.
I don't know. This is, um, all a lot to absorb.
It's a guaranteed blockbuster.
Mmm.
I understand this science fiction is very popular, but, um...
don't the big hits always have big stars?
-Well, we have a big star... Bela Lugosi. -Bela Lugosi...
Oh, I thought he passed on.
Yes. Yes, he did.
But...
-I've got the last footage he ever shot. -Doesn't look like very much.
Mr Reynolds, this is the acorn that will grow a great oak.
I'll just get a double to finish his scenes...
and we'll release it as Bela Lugosi's final film.
Bunny? We're makin' another movie.
Yes, I got the Baptist Church of Beverly Hills to put up the cash.
- [Knocking] - [paul] Ed, I got the Lugosi doubles outside.
Bunny, I gotta go.
He's too short.
He's too tall.
He's just not going to work.
Well, Ed, I was thinkin' like when Bela played Fu Manchu.
- Paul, that was Karloff. - Oh.
- You're gonna have to try harder. - Okay.
- Try to be a cut above. Go get 'em. - Okay. Right.
Keep Sunday open; the producers want us to get baptised. Okay.
[Door Closes]
You know, hon, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better.
This is the ultimate Ed Wood movie. No compromises.
Oh, my.
- Eddie, look at this. - Hmm?
What?
Poor girl's out of a job.
I brought the script. You'll be portraying the ghoul's wife.
- The ghoul's wife? - Yes.
- [Sighs] - You should feel lucky.
Eddie's the only fella in town who doesn't pass judgement on people.
That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
Look, would it be possible to make the ghoul's wife a little less prominent...
- so people wouldn't really notice me in the movie? - You don't want to be noticed?
Yeah. How about this? What if I don't have any lines? I'll play the part mute.
- Mute? - Hey, it's Dr Tom.
- Dr Tom! Hiya! - Who's Dr Tom?
- He's my chiropractor. - Hey, Kathy. How are you?
- Fine, thanks. - Well, look at you.
You're looking in alignment today.
Well, actually, my neck is a little funny.
Now, here, let me fix that.
- [Neck Cracks] - Ooh!
My gosh!
Don't move.
It's uncanny.
Look at his head! It's uncanny!
[Organ]
¢Ü Lift up your voice ¢Ü
¢Ü And let us sing ¢Ü
¢Ü Alleluia, alleluia ¢Ü
- [Continues] - He look nothin' like Bela.
He's kinda got his ears.
Oh, look. Cover your face with this.
Oh. Now I can see it.
I want to suck your blood.
I want to suck your blood!
- Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker. - [Snickers]
Shh!
We want these Baptists to like us. Please.
Alleluia
Brothers and sisters...
we reach now in the service a joyous point...
because we are going to bear witness to the baptism of our new members.
[Whispering] Why couldn't we do this in the church?
Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
Welcome to the fold, brother.
- Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour? - Yes!
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
- Amen. - [Spits]
Welcome to the fold, brother. Welcome.
Praise the Lord, brother.
Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
Sure.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
[Reverend] praise the Lord, firiends!
- Do you repent fior all your sins? - [Tor] I do.
How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptised...
-just so you can make a monster movie? - It's not a monster movie.
- It's a supernatural thriller. - Come to Jesus, brother!
[Sighs]
I can't believe this.
- Ed, what am I gonna do here? - What do you mean?
- He has no hair. - Gee, I never noticed that. Put a wig on him!
Before we start shooting, Mr Wood, we have a few questions.
Yes. The script contains numerous references to grave robbing.
Now, we find the concept of digging up consecrated ground to be highly offensive.
- It is blasphemy. - What are you talking about? It's the premise of the movie.
- It's the title of the movie, for Christ's sakes! - Mr Wood!
Yes, about that title.
It strikes us as very inflammatory.
Why don't we change it to plan 9 From Outer Space?
Ha! That's ridiculous.
All right. And, action!
[Camera Whirring]
Medical examiner been around yet?
Just left. The morgue wagon oughta be along most any time.
- You get their statement? - Yeah, but they're pretty scared.
Fine mess like this will frighten anyone.
You have one ofi the boys, uh...
take the guy and the girl back to town; you take charge.
What'd you give him all the lines for? He's unintelligible.
Lugosi's dead and Vampira won't talk; I had to give somebody the dialogue!
That is no answer!
What about glitter?
When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.
No!
- Cat's eyes! - No!
- Well, I'm going to need some antennae. - No!
You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste!
[Ed] See? No talking. Isn't he good?
- Cue Dr Tom. - N-Now?
Yes, now. Lurk him.
Be sure and keep your face covered.
Isn't it wonderful? Bela lives.
Doesn't it strike you as a bit morbid?
No. He would've loved it.
Bela's returned from the grave.
Just like Dracula. Cue Vampira.
- [Screaming] - Cut!
Let's go down and fiind out whose grave it is.
Oh, why do I always get hooked up with these spook details?
Monsters, graves, bodies!
Cue flying saucer.
[Whirring Sound, Squeaking]
And cut! Print. We're moving on.
- That was perfect. - Perfect? Mr Wood...
do you know anything about the art of film production?
Well, I like to think so.
That cardboard headstone tipped over.
This graveyard is obviously phoney.
Nobody will ever notice that.
Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture.
- [Reynolds] The big picture? - Yes.
How about when the policemen arrived in daylight, but now it's suddenly night?
What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?
Reverend, I'm here.
- Oh. [Chuckling] - Who is he?
This is our choir director.
He's gonna play the young hero.
Are you people insane? I'm the director!
I make the casting decisions around here!
I thought this was a group effort.
No!
No?
They're driving me crazy!
These Baptists are... stupid, stupid, stupid!
Okay. I gotta calm down.
Gotta calm down.
Take a deep breath.
Relax.
All right, everybody. Let's get set up for scene 1 1 2.
Move the crypt stage left, and let's get Tor's make-up effect ready.
Mr Wood!
- What do you think you're doing? - I'm directing.
Not like that you're not!
Remove that get-up immediately!
You shame our Lord.
That's it! I can't take it!
[Tyres Screeching]
Take me to the nearest bar, and make it snappy!
Imperial Whisky.
[Gasps]
Oh, my gosh.
Orson Welles.
- Excuse me, sir? - Yes?
Um... Well, I'm a young filmmaker and a real big fan.
l... I just wanted to meet you.
My pleasure. I'm Orson Welles.
I'm, uh, Edward D. Wood,Jr.
What you working on?
Well, the financing just fell through for the third time on Don Quixote.
You know, I can't believe it.
That sounds just exactly like my problems.
It's the damn money men. They never know who's a windbag and who's got the goods.
Then they all think they're directors.
Ain't that the truth? Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?
- I hate when that happens. - And they're always trying to cast their buddies.
It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller at Universal...
but they want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican.
Ah, Mr Welles. Is it all worth it?
It is when it works.
You know, the one film of mine where I had total control, Kane?
The studio hated it...
but they didn't get to touch a firame.
- Ed. - Yes?
Visions are worth fiighting fior.
Why spend your lifie making someone else's dreams?
[Triumphal Music Swells]
Thank you... Orson.
- Mr Reynolds. - Yes.
We are gonna finish this picture just the way I want it...
because you cannot compromise an artist's vision.
- But it's our money. - And you're gonna make a bundle...
but only if you shut up and let me do things my way.
All right, gang. Actors in positions. Let's finish this picture.
Action.
[Grunting]
Wanna give him a hand? Keep rolling.
[Grunting]
[Beeping]
Now that's an alien.
Action.
- What plan will you follow now? - Plan 9.
Plan 9? Ah, yes.
Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead.
Long-distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary glands...
of the recent dead.
You know, maybe you guys were right. "Plan 9" is a good title.
I want that lightning, I want those two explosions...
- and I've got to have more shots of the military! - Right.
[Screaming]
[Woman Screaming]
And cut.
All right, friends. Prepare for scene 32.
- M-Mr. Wood? - Yeah?
- Where's the cockpit set? - You're standing in it. Places!
But what if we develop this solenite bomb?
Then we'd be a stronger nation too.
"Stronger." You see?
Your stupid minds.
Stupid. Stupid!
- That's all I'm gonna take outta you! - Oh!
Cut!
Action.
Greetings, my friend.
We are all interested in the future...
for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
And remember, my friend:
Future events such as these will effect you in the future.
[Explosions]
[Triumphal Music Swells]
And... cut!
That's a wrap.
Oh!
I can't get it up. It's stuck.
Eddie, you're gonna be late for your own premiere.
All right, forget it.
- [Fanfiare] - Ladies and gentlemen.
You are about to see an extraordinary motion picture.
But befiore it begins, I think we should all give a hand to the man...
without whom we wouldn't be here tonight.
Eddie, take a bow!
Thank you.
I just wanna say that this film...
is for Bela.
[Thunderclap]
[Narrator ofi Film] The griefi ofi his wifie's death...
became greater and greater agony.
The home they had so long shared together...
became a tomb...
a sweet memory ofi herjoyous living.
The sky to which he had once looked...
was now only a covering fior her dead body.
The ever-beautifiul flowers she had planted...
with her own hands...
became nothing more than the lost roses ofi her cheeks.
Confiused by his great loss...
the old man left that home...
never to return again.
[Car Tyres Screeching, Man Screaming]
[Siren Wailing]
[Sombre Music On Soundtrack]
This is the one.
This is the one I'll be remembered for.
Aw, gee, honey, I'm so happy for ya!
Say, let's get married.
- Huh? - Right now. Let's go to Vegas.
But, Eddie, it's pouring, and the car top is stuck.
Phooey! It's only a five-hour drive...
and it'll probably stop by the time we get to the desert.
Heck, it'll probably stop by the time we get around the corner. Let's go.
Oh! [Laughing]
[Thunder Rumbling]
[Thunderclap]
[Skipped item nr. 1678]